Bad Attitude 101

I woke up this morning thinking about my bad attitude… Then I started thinking about the need for others to have access to instruction on how to properly have a bad attitude (“BA”), and why many of us do have a BA and how I would write it all down. I had some real zingers that made me laugh while I was still warm under the covers with my kitty next to me. But most of that has evaporated now as it is several hours later as I pen this bit of brilliance.

After I got up I searched to see if others had written about the virtues of having a bad attitude, but my Google search pulled up nothing more than inspirational attitude adjustment stuff. For example, I found that a favorite line (rule of thumb) out there is running along the lines of this: “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” – What absolute Trash Talk about those of us that do have a bona fide BA!! Really….

So then I searched on my trusty old computer for bad attitude memes to explore further inspiration (and an image to go along with this post)… I was lost in BA joy as I found the ones posted here, but had mixed feelings over noticing how many of these memes use cats as a subject to deliver BA truth. Is that just one more form of prejudice and bigotry against felines vs canines or other species?? I would say “Yes, it is just that!”, being a cat person myself. One more reason to have a BA.

However all that aside, I decided I did want to do a blog post about this very misunderstood subject. What the heck is wrong with the idea that we all have a bad attitude at least some of the time? I personally feel having a BA is appropriate at many times in our lives and actually is a sign of high IQ, being in touch with the present (rather than in a fog of denial), and it shows the ability to think for ourselves when it comes to assessing a situation.

So you can’t handle my attitude?? Fine! You can stick with “My faith in Jesus will save the day while I sit back and eat a pint of ice cream and watch TV movies” or you can just sit and wait for a Good Fairy to fly by and sprinkle you with pretty sparkly fairy dust, or wait for some beautiful white unicorn to magically appear and take you off into a magical forest of rainbows and flowers and peace and  LOVE… Yup. You go for it.

I’m a realist.

But lots of things really do suck.

You know what I’m talking about.

You do.

You really do.

Right?

So. For those that just might consider abandoning their sweetly positive attitudes that are only hiding a myriad of angst, seething hotly a fraction of a millimeter below the surface, you need instruction! – You need: the Bad Attitude 101 course.

I intend to provide a full course of instruction, complete with lecture, practical examples, and assignments. You will finally learn how to bring it! But I want to warn you – you may go from being a docile little lamb of God that has been programmed to think this: “Oh, you want to butcher me and put me on a shelf in Safeway or Costco for humans to eat? Oh, all right… That’s ok… I guess… (shudder, gulp)” – to a whopping “Huh?!?!?!? I don’t think so Bitch!!”

But first the Intro – the memes. I will do my best to add the instructional materials later, as time permits. So check back or subscribe to this blog for Bad Attitude 101 updates.

Thank you for considering BA 101 with yours truly, a bona fide instructor of the fine art of having a BA. The course is intended to be non-denominational and bipartisan, but if I mess up, take it as a cue to go after me with all you’ve got. As one meme suggests: “I’m a cat, so sue me!”

The BA Memes:

My Blood Type is Be Negative. Sometimes BA is in the genes or just seems to come naturally.

You’re not my real Mom! – You may have either said this or at least thought it.

I like the sound you make when you shut up. – No explanation necessary, stupid. Clearly you irritate me. Go flap your gums at somebody else who cares. Lesson: It’s ok to be straight-forward about your feelings.

No, please go on. I find your tale absolutely enthralling. – Not! The kitty eye roll says it all – if they don’t get it from your expression they’re a self-absorbed human.

I’m a cat. So sue me. Really – Go sue me. Get a judge to say I should be a dog. Like that’s gonna happen.

Come find me when you have proof. – I am well aware that you have no evidence to prove I killed that dog.

Sometimes I think about murder. – This is my very favorite! Sweetness can turn into a dark hole of evil in the blink of an eye under the right circumstances, for example, when you think you are going to save the world from an even greater evil. – Big Disclaimer: It might be ok to ‘Embrace the Dark Side!’ temporarily… Just don’t act upon it.  BA people are often idealists who would like to save the world. But there are better solutions. If these thoughts continue, talk to a BA-cettified therapist.

Dried cat food huh? Wow, you really know how to read a cat’s mind. – Don’t ever be afraid to use sarcasm. It’s a very powerful tool for BA people.

When I want your opinion… I’ll remove the duct tape! – This one addresses tactics that can be used by persons with Advanced BA… Or those that have graduated from the Bad Attitude 101 course.

I’m in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like… “I facebooked you!” – I am still searching for the equivalent of how to actually do this to those occasionally irritating FaceBook friends. Lucky for us there is always sarcasm (see above.)

When someone keeps being annoying and you’re trying not to snap. (Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada movie.) – Go ahead and snap back at annoying people but do it at the time and place of your choosing. Have fun and be BA creative with it!

Not sure if I have a bad attitude or everyone else is just wrong. – A common dilemma for BA people is self-doubt. In fact you will usually find that both these thoughts are true – You do have a Bad Attitude AND Everyone else is wrong. Simple. Stop the self doubt!

Say I’ve got a bad attitude one more M*&% F*%*^ Time… I dare you… I double dare you!!!! – (Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp fiction movie) – It is only BA Natural to get a little pissed off when you’re in a bad situation and your buddy is trying to “think (airy fairy) positive”!

I think you can make your own Goddam sammich. (pointing gun.) – Just a suggestion from a ‘tired of your shit’ female with an appropriate BA.

Soon. Very soon. – Yes, it is all about the planning. (See “Sometimes I think about murder” above.)

I know the voices in my head aren’t real… But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! – Creative BA’s do enjoy the planning, and being a BA person is not all bad, even when your thoughts might be naughty.

When You’ve had a rough day but you’re trying to stay positive. “It’s great. I’m great. Everything’s just great. No really, Everything’s fine.” – You look kind of stupid when you are trying to “be positive” and tell people you are fine when you obviously are not. – Deprogramming such responses is a necessary subject for the BA 101 course,

I don’t have an attitude problem, I just have a personality you can’t handle! – Ain’t that the Truth!

I do not own copyright for any of the memes displayed above. If you disapprove of their use here, go sue me.